Dear Imaginative Woman,
If you’re new here, welcome! For the past few weeks I’ve been telling you the story about how I decided to break free from my Dull Gray Cubicle job.
You can read all the posts in the series here:
Ok, on with the next installment...
I didn’t immediately jump ship and run away from my job, even though I really wanted to after my moment of awakening.
I did know things needed to change, but I still couldn't see how the change could happen.
I still wasn’t ready to make the BIG decision. You know, the big decision to say I was for sure going to change careers.
Honestly, I was too exhausted for that particular question.
The only thing I was ready to do was The Artist's Way.
Going on job and college websites to find a new career was exhausting and terrifying.
The Artist's Way was simple and fun.
Sometimes, it's the simplest thing that has the most power in it.
One of the suggestions in The Artist's Way was to do an Artist Date once a week.
An Artist Date is a 2 hour scheduled event where you do something alone, something playful and wonderful, something nurturing for your inner child.
What I chose for my weekly Artist Date was to do something I absolutely love doing: sitting still and staring at nature.
Even though I had been living in the woods for a couple years, I hardly ever did this.
At any time I could've sat on my back porch to look at the trees, but instead I tended to stay inside numbing out on my computer screen.
I numbed out because of how much it hurt to feel so disconnected from myself.
However, the numbing became a vicious cycle where it increased my feelings of disconnection, creating more desire to numb.
Getting myself to sit on my back porch to do nothing was one of the hardest things I did during that time.
I had to force myself away from the numbing and into an experience where I would quietly feel things again.
It was the end of winter when I started.
Once a week, I watched the woods as the snow melted and revealed all the shades of brown which exist on a forest floor.
There was no green undergrowth yet or leaves on the trees, so the woods looked barren and skeletal.
As the weeks passed, however, the leaves unfurled and the undergrowth grew tall.
Everything changed from shades of brown to shades of bright green.
The forest became emerald, and I watched the transformation from my back porch for 2 hours each week.
It took all my courage to sit out there, because I was stressed about all the other things I thought I should've been doing instead.
I had the courage for one reason only.
I checked in with my friend every Sunday to tell her how the week went, and I didn't want to tell her I couldn't do this one simple thing.
And I'm so glad I made myself do it, because it was this practice, more than anything else, which helped me find myself again.
Being still in nature is a connection experience for me.
It helps me connect not only to the world outside but also to something beautiful and natural inside myself.
When I'm quiet, still, and in peaceful observation, I feel like ME.
It makes me able to feel my own heartbeat again.
Watching the woods come alive that spring was exactly what I needed.
And as the leaves opened up, the tiny tendrils of a way forward began to emerge from inside my soul.
Next week, I'll tell you about making the final big decision to escape my Dull Gray Cubicle job!
P.S. Read Part 6 - How I Decided To Break Free From My Dull Gray Cubicle Job
P.S.S. I have a fun announcement! The other day I was thinking about how my very favorite place to play online is in Facebook Groups. I love running them and participating in them. And then I was like, wait, why don't I have a Facebook Group for The School of Wild Authenticity???
So, I created one. Escape Your Dull Gray Cubicle Job is the perfect group for you if you are an imaginative woman stuck in the trap of a DGC job, who craves the freedom and empowerment to come alive and do what you are meant to do. We'll be having so much fun over there! Come and join us!