Dear Imaginative Woman,
If you’re new here, welcome! For the next few weeks I’ll be telling you the story about how I decided to break free from my Dull Gray Cubicle job.
You can read all the posts in the series here:
Ok, on with the next installment...
Last week I told you how my cubicle job, which was 100% perfect for me when I took it, became a trap for my body, mind, and soul.
This week, I want to tell you a story about a little magic that happened when I was feeling disconnected and desperate in my DGC (Dull Gray Cubicle) job.
When I was working in my cubicle, I had a bff colleague. Her name is Gina, and she is an awesome magical kindred spirit!
Gina and I were buddies. We spoke the same emotional language, and I could tell her all the weird and wonderful things I’d been thinking with no shame!
One thing I often talked to Gina about was how to choose the exact right desktop wallpaper to make myself not feel like a dry, withered husk.
It was an obsession for me in those days, because I spent hours staring at a computer, surrounded by gray walls.
I figured, if I could just get the right desktop wallpaper, then I might feel better. Maybe I would look at the wallpaper in between opening and closing spreadsheets and it would somehow fill my soul with beauty and light forever and ever!!!
That's a reasonable expectation, right?!
On this particular day, I was picking out a new wallpaper, and all of a sudden I couldn't take it anymore.
I was sick of trying to make myself feel better. What was the point? It never worked. I always found myself back in the same miserable chair, in the same miserable cube.
I was so fed up, in fact, I immediately put up a picture of the moon as my desktop wallpaper. It was a close-up of the gray, pockmarked ground, and it felt like the perfect representation of how I felt right then.
I turned to Gina. “This is it," I said, "This is what I’ve become. I’m a dry, arid land where nothing will ever grow!!”
I'm pretty sure this made Gina laugh, but I don't remember her exact reaction, because something magical happened after I said this.
My first position in my DGC job, before I became a systems analyst and project manager, was to process donation checks mailed to our foundation.
After I told Gina about feeling like the arid moon, I returned to my task at hand, which was opening a pile of letters with donation checks inside.
I picked up an envelope. There was a quote on the back, and the quote struck me to my core.
“You will be like a well-watered garden, and like a spring whose waters do not fail."
At the exact moment I claimed myself to be an arid, dry land, this envelope told me I would be a like a spring whose waters never fail.
I stared at the envelope.
I cut out the quote and stuck it up on my cubicle wall.
I would come into work and read it everyday, and I would remember there was a little bit of hope for me.
This experience helped turn things for me just a tiny bit, because even though I was still trapped and withered, I started to believe maybe someday in the future I wouldn't be.
It took a while, but things did eventually change for the better.
Read Part 4 - Two Books That Changed Everything For Me
Guess what? I made a fun, extra awesome thing for newsletter subscribers. The School of Wild Authenticity's 5 Step Guide is for you to use whenever you're freaking out about being stuck in your Dull Gray Cubicle job forever!!!