When Magic Happened In My Dull Gray Cubicle

May 23, 2019

Dear Imaginative Woman,

If you’re new here, welcome! For the next few weeks I’ll be telling you the story about how I decided to break free from my Dull Gray Cubicle job.

You can read all the posts in the series here:

Ok, on with the next installment...


 

Last week I told you how my cubicle job, which was 100% perfect for me when I took it, became a trap for my body, mind, and soul.

This week, I want to tell you a story about a little magic that happened when I was feeling disconnected and desperate in my DGC (Dull Gray Cubicle) job.

When I was working in my cubicle, I had a bff colleague. Her name is Gina, and she is an awesome magical kindred spirit!

Gina and I were buddies. We spoke the same emotional language, and I could tell her all the weird and wonderful things I’d been thinking with no shame!

One thing I often talked to Gina about was how to choose the exact right desktop wallpaper to make myself not feel like a dry, withered husk.

It was an obsession for me in those days, because I spent hours staring at a computer, surrounded by gray walls.

I figured, if I could just get the right desktop wallpaper, then I might feel better. Maybe I would look at the wallpaper in between opening and closing spreadsheets and it would somehow fill my soul with beauty and light forever and ever!!!

That's a reasonable expectation, right?!

On this particular day, I was picking out a new wallpaper, and all of a sudden I couldn't take it anymore.

I was sick of trying to make myself feel better. What was the point? It never worked. I always found myself back in the same miserable chair, in the same miserable cube.

I was so fed up, in fact, I immediately put up a picture of the moon as my desktop wallpaper. It was a close-up of the gray, pockmarked ground, and it felt like the perfect representation of how I felt right then.

I turned to Gina. “This is it," I said, "This is what I’ve become. I’m a dry, arid land where nothing will ever grow!!”

I'm pretty sure this made Gina laugh, but I don't remember her exact reaction, because something magical happened after I said this.

My first position in my DGC job, before I became a systems analyst and project manager, was to process donation checks mailed to our foundation.

After I told Gina about feeling like the arid moon, I returned to my task at hand, which was opening a pile of letters with donation checks inside.

I picked up an envelope. There was a quote on the back, and the quote struck me to my core.

It said: 

“You will be like a well-watered garden, and like a spring whose waters do not fail."

Whaaaaaaat?

At the exact moment I claimed myself to be an arid, dry land, this envelope told me I would be a like a spring whose waters never fail.

I stared at the envelope.

I cut out the quote and stuck it up on my cubicle wall.

I would come into work and read it everyday, and I would remember there was a little bit of hope for me.

This experience helped turn things for me just a tiny bit, because even though I was still trapped and withered, I started to believe maybe someday in the future I wouldn't be.

It took a while, but things did eventually change for the better. 


 

Read Part 4 - Two Books That Changed Everything For Me

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Guess what? I made a fun, extra awesome thing for newsletter subscribers. The School of Wild Authenticity's 5 Step Guide is for you to use whenever you're freaking out about being stuck in your Dull Gray Cubicle job forever!!!

Download Your 5 Step Guide Here

 

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